The Assembly for the Teaching of English Grammar

The Writing Workout: Descriptive Writing

Overview:
 
          Descriptive Writing creates an exciting multi-sensory picture in the reader’s mind. Its purpose is more than just to provide detail: good descriptive writing is meant to be savored and reread. It presents language in vivid, fresh,and engaging ways.
          
          Descriptive writing, much like poetry, depends upon imagery, rhythm, and variety. To accomplish this, the writer must complete the Workout. This involves:
 
•        Analyzing the model
•        Revising:
•             Sharpening the nouns
•             Using an effective combination of abstract and concrete nouns
•             Relying on strong action verbs for conciseness, vivacity. and vitality
•             Minimizing the modifiers
•             Combing out weak structures
•             Using more prepositional phrases for detail and variety
•             Varying and controlling sentence types
•             Using a variety of grammatical structures to begin sentences
•             Using short sentences for emphasis
•             Varying word choice
•             Using figurative language
•             Smoothing the suface by correcting distractive errors 
 
 

 
Topic: 
          You will describe your birthday month:  Consider the various aspects of the month, such as holidays, activities, foods, weather, seasonal conditions, and general ambience. 
 
Form a community of writers with other people in the class who share your birthday month or season. 

 
Exemplar: Description
 
September
 
            In September, the year takes a sharp turn. . We go from the coconut smell of tanning lotion to the chemical smell of new backpacks. Although the year is growing older, everything seems to be new. New notebooks crack open; and their empty pages lie before you like snow with no footprints. New book covers stretch over worn textbooks. Best of all, new sneakers take those firm first steps into the brave new world of... The First Day of School. 
 
            September offers a fresh start. Sharp pencils transcribe homework assignments into that little red memo pad. School busses, marigold orange, clamber through town, groaning around corners like grandmothers hoisting themselves out of upholstered chairs. 
 
            The days shorten, but you hardly notice. Evenings fill up with a frenzied combination of homework and soccer practice. When the air begins to sweep toward a cool fall, September has you so busy that the summer dissipates into thin air without a good-bye or a backward glance. 
 
            By the end of September, the world is ablaze:  leaves of fierce scarlet and fiery orange  paint the lawn. Soon, they’ll  crunch under your feet like potato chips in a crinkly bag .

 
 
Baseline
Note: Your baseline is just a rough draft, a starting point. Don't try to do the above techniques in your baseline. We will revise the baseline step by step, focusing on one technique at a time. 
 
Brainstorm the list the characteristics of your birthday month: activities, weather, characteristics of nature (the sky, plant growth) general ambience, personal recollections, sights, sounds, smells, tastes. 

 
 
Write your baseline description:
 
Key Words:
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 
Revision One
Work Zone: Revision One
Strength, Conciseness, Specifics
 
Skills:
First, look at your noun force:
•        Sharpen your nouns: look for opportunities to be more specific by replacing vague and generalized nouns with specific ones. 
•        Use an effective combination of abstract and concrete nouns
•        Weed out unnecessary adjectives: Identify all of your pre-noun modifiers and the nouns that they modify. Ask yourself if these adjectives are actually doing their job by altering the meaning of their nouns. If the concept of the adjective is already contained in the noun, then you don’t need that adjective.
•        Bring in more prepositional phrases: These will provide detail and visuals.
 
Now, look at your verb force:
•        Rely heavily on action verbs.
•        Use state of being verbs only when you want a “static” sentence, one in which there is no action.
•        Think twice about sentences that begin with weak structures, such as “there is/are” and “it is/are.” 
 

 
A WORLD CLASS SENTENCE:
 "A tremendous roar arose from the throat of Saint Antoine, and a forest of naked arms struggled in the air like shrivelled branches of trees in a winter wind: all the fingers convulsively clutching at every weapon or semblance of a weapon that was thrown up from the depths below, no matter how far off."
from A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens
 
Be Specific! 
 
NounSharpening 
NounSharpening: Getting Specific
 
To sharpen your nouns, go over your piece, looking for nouns that could be made more specific. Be a camera that takes cloe-ups of details rather than sweeping overviews. Ask each noun to tell you which one it is. Look at the Exemplar and consider how each noun is specific.
 
Specificity allows the reader to visualize. Visualization allows us to get involved, to lose ourselves in the description. 
 
Avoid the ‘overadjectivization” syndrome. Examine all of your adjectives. Your goal is to get rid of them (except for colors), if you can, and replace them with a single noun that will do the job. 
 
NounSharpening is a process of combing through your words to do more with less. 
 
The sharper your nouns are, the fewer adjectives you will need. Sharp nouns form a writing style which is concise and vivid. 
 
Too General
Sharpened
dog
poodle
car
Cadillac
arm
forearm
shoes
sneakers
fruit
mango
 
 
            
            
 
            A sentence in the baseline can almost always be made more interesting by being more specific with at least one noun.The nonspecific noun can be replaced by a more specific noun (begonias for flowers) or two nouns which are specific (begonias and zinnias for flowers) A noun can be made more specific by adding an adjective (purple flowers), but the writer should always first attempt to find a noun that does the work of the adjective
 
We won’t make you write the whole piece over again today. You worked hard on the vocabulary yesterday. Just pick out some flabby nouns and tone them up:
Adjective/Noun Combination
Sharper Noun
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 A WORLD CLASS SENTENCE
 
"By rights New York should have destroyed itself long ago, from panic or fire or rioting or failure of some vital supply line in its circulatory system or from some deep labyrinthine short circuit."
-  from Here is New York by E.B. White
 

 
Levels of Language: Word Types (Vocabulary)
Revise for Vocabulary: Balance of Word Types/Strong Verbs
 
Over the next two days, you will revise for vocabulary, relying heavily on Anglo-Saxon verbs (“Muscle Verbs”); with two words that have a Latin base (“Words that Went to College”); one word that has a Greek Base  (“Deep and Mysterious Thoughts”). Then, you’ll sharpen your nouns.
 
Every sentence should contain a powerful verb, preferably a short Anglo-Saxon verb which we refer to as a Muscle Verb: 
 
Two Hundred Fifty“Muscle Verbs”
“Muscle Verbs” are short Anglo/Saxon verbs that rev up your sentences.
Use this list to kick off ideas in your mind, remembering that verbs drive the engine of your writing. 
 
blast
blot
blush
blaze
blame
blacken
blur
blow
bloom
block
brush
break
breeze
breathe
bruise
brace
blare
chase
choose
chew
chuckle
chomp
chill
chop
chip
cheat
chafe
char
clear
clean
clank
clip
click
clutter
cloud
clue
clap
clasp
climb
close
claw
crowd
crow
clamp
cleanse
cleave
clog
clutch
cluck
creep
crawl
cramp
craft
crab
cradle
crack
cry
crease
creak
crest
crop
cross
crouch
cruise
crunch
crown
crush
drop
drape
drag
drain
dream
dry
dress
drip
drive
frift
drill
drink
drizzle
drown
drum
drub
drug
drench
droop
flag
flirt
flinch
flash
flip
flank
flap
flake
flare
fake
flatten
fly
flex
flame
flee
fleece
float
fight
flood
flock
floor
flaunt
flow
fluff
fry
free
fret
frisk
front
froth
frost
fudge
fuel
frown
glance
glare
glaze
glide
gloss
glow
glue
gnash
gnaw
grace
grab
graft
grow
grasp
grease
gripe
grind
grope
groan
growl
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
grumble
giggle
guffaw
knock
kick
kiss
kill
play
please
plan
place
plead
pluck
plow
plot
plunge
pray
scale
scam
scold
scald
scare
scrape
scout
scratch
scream
screw
scrub
shame
share
shield
shine
ship
shoot
shoo
skate
smack
smirk
smell
smoke
smite
snake
sneak
snap
sniff
snip
span
scan
skimp
spite
sneer
spike
split
sponge
spot
spray
spread
spur
spin
spit
squeeze
squelch
squint
squat
square
squirt
stab
stack
stage
stall
stash
stick
stoop
strip
stow
strap
stretch
strike
stump
stun
switch
swat
sweep
swipe
sweat
trudge
troop
twine
twist
twitch
wrap
wreak
snatch
chuck
jam
nudge
ooze
lunge
whirl
whiz
whine
bring
sting
ring
sing
lure
hum
buzz
hang
trip
trap
trick
dwell
swell
shade
shake
gleam
shift
clasp
flock
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Before: We go from the coconut smell of tanning lotion to the chemical smell of new backpacks.
 
After: September replaces the coconut smell of tanning lotion with the chemical smell of new backpacks. 
 
After: September snatches up the coconut smell of tanning lotion and switches it with the chemical smell of new backpacks.

 
 
Work Zone
Revision Two: Word Choice (Diction)
 
 
Language Levels: Word Types
          We can then enrich our language level with a couple of words that have a Latin base.
          Think of Latin words as words that went to college.
          Here’s how to recognize a Latin word:
 
•        It usually has a prefix, root, suffix
•        It has other words in its family (credit, credible, incredible, credulous)
•        It tends to have three syllables
•        It bears a resemblance to words in French, Italian, Spanish
•        It’s a “vocabulary list” type of word
Here’s a partial list of some common Latin word parts:
 
Prefixes:
ab (away)
bi (two)
com (with)
carn (flesh)
de (down)
dis (not)
ex (away; not)
in (into)
inter (between)
intra (within)
non (no)
per (through)
pre (before)
pro (for)
re (again)
retro (back)
sub (under)
trans (across)
 
 
 

 
 
Roots:
amic (friend: amicable)
aud (hear:audible)
bene(good:benefit)
carn(flesh:carnal)
cent(hundred:century)
clud,clus(close:inclusive)
cred(believe:credulous)
duc,duct(lead:induce)
fer(carry:inference)
fid(faith:infidel)
fin(end:infinity)
junct(join:adjunct)
loc(speak:loquacious)
magn(great:magnify)
port(carry:import)
mort(death:immortal)
tract(drag:intractable)
 
 
 
 
Suffixes:
ition
ance
ation
ify
ize
exce
ate
esque
ish
ible
fic
ous
ity
ment
or
tude
ty
 
 
 
 
You’ll “send two words to college” when you write your description. Novice writers often think that it’s good to use as many “big words” as possible to impress the teacher. A better plan is to rely on the Muscle Verbs, letting them do the heavy lifting they were designed for. Two “show-off” Latin words per page is just enough.
 
 
 
As a finishing touch, you’ll “think deep and mysterious thoughts” with Greek words.
 
 
          Deep-Thinking Words, aka Greek-based words
                   letter y in the first syllable (syllable, mystery, lyrics)
                   ph as f (philosophy)
                   sc (science, school)
                   ch pronounced as K (chaos, chemistry)
                   ology ending
                   psy
                   the (theory, theme)
                   x (excellence, exotic)
          
 
 
 
As a writer becomes more experienced with the three levels of words (Anglo Saxon, Latin, Greek), the use of Greek words will become second nature. 
 
The charm of Greek words is that they tend to express interesting, elevated thoughts. The novice writer will find that these words are miraculous in their ability to catapult his/her language to a higher plane. 
 
This list is by no means complete, but it will get the novice started as a user of Greek words:
 
Words with a Stray Y
Words with THE
cycle
theme
symbol
thesis
labyrinth
theology
cycle
theory
cyclone
Words with CH having a K sound
symmetry
chaos
mystical
character
myth
school
mystery
psychology
gyrate
technical
lyrics
 
myopic
 
Words ending in OLOGY
Words with RH
Words having PH
rhythm
 
rhyme
physical
rhaposy
philosophy
rhetoric
sophisticated
 
sphere
Other:
atmosphere
poem
catastrophe
history
phenomenon
language
 
science
Silent K
 
 
 
knowledge
 
acknowledge
 
 
 
 

 
 Word Choice Revision
 
Power each sentence with a muscle verb
 
Think of consonant blends. Some of our best words
begin and/or end with consonant blends.
 
Even better: have two consonant blend words  in a row)
(alliteration)
Send two words to college. 
 
Eliminate all very’s (If you need a very, you need a better adjective.)
 
Toss out some adjectives. You have too many. 
No adverbs allowed. If you need an adverb, you need a better adjective.
 
 
Now think deep thoughts: Use one Greek word 
anywhere in the piece.
Your Greek word will add poetry to your language.

 
 
 
Revise for Figurative Language: Metaphor, Euphony, Allusion, Ironic Contrast
Metaphor-Making
 
 
Making Metaphors:
Crazy Salads
 
The craft of making metaphors lies at the heart of lively, interesting, fresh writing.
 
A metaphor is fresh when it is recognizable but not cliche.
 
Here is a method for making metaphors that are original and striking:
 
Step One: Get in the Metaphor Mood:
            Pick through the pages of any Shakespearean play for some of the best metaphors ever written. That will get your brain cells working.
 
Step Two: What’s your concept? Begin with an adjective (eg: useless)
 
 
Step Three: List nouns that are useless: (peach pits, yesterday’s newspaper, book with missing pages, watermelon rinds, etc.)
 
 
 
Step Four: List verbs that useless things do: (attract ants, attract dust, pile up, get in the way, grow mold, etc.)
 
 
 
 
 
Step Five: Select the best metaphor: The best metaphor is the one which is the most striking, yet appropriate to the context and similar to the thing to which it is being compared.
 
 
 
Step Six: Compact the Metaphor: Express the metaphor in as few words as possible. Feel free to play with language, using nouns as adjectives (watermelon juicy); irony (about as useful as yesterday’s peach pit); and verbs (when the dawn sweeps the darkness away)
 
More Greek:
 
Words ending in ic are often Greek in origin.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
idyllic
democratic
gigantic
pathetic
apathetic
chronic
automatic
graphic
cryptic
manic
 
 
SPEAK GREEK...
 
                             to talk about:
 
Music:
          
music
rhythm
tympanny
saxaphone
symphony
echo
rhapsody
 
 
 
Language:
 
language
theme
syllable
rhyme
paragraph
poetry
epic
theater
 
Science:
 
science
biology
geology
physics
astronomy
hypothesis
anatomy
chemistry
 
the Heavens:
 
cosmos
galaxy
astrology
asteroid
 
 
 
 
 
Thinking and Learning:
 
philosophy
school
analyze
theory
critical
academic
memory
history
idea
 
 
 
 

 
Metaphors
Suggestions for Metaphor Making
 
1. Physical gestures: Use these verbs to suggest metaphorical relationships:
close eyes
stretch arms
flex muscles
open eyes
stand at attention
rol up sleeves
stand on tiptoe
smile
embrace
whisper
wink
blush
stare
clench fist
offer hand
 
When starting with a verb, think of the visual image of the action. Then, think of something else that moves in a similar way. (The rosebuds still clench their fists, refusing to yield forth their pleasures until coaxed into submission by June’s gentle heat.)
 
 
2.Everyday nouns: These are good metaphor-starters because they are familiar and easy to associate with various qualities:
peach pit
jelly bean
motorcycle
beat-up baseball cap
candle flame
flannel bathrobe
moonlight
speed bump
prom dress
yesterday’s coffee
birthday cake
tango
old slippers
teddy bear
backpack
 
To start with a noun, list the qualities associated with the noun (adjectives). Proceed as above for making metaphors out of adjectives. 
 
 
Write a few trial metaphors here.
 
 
Don’t forget to describe your
 
 
month at certain times of day:
 
nighttime, morning, 
 
 
late afternoon, etc
 
 
 
 

 
Metaphors
Now, try a Compact Metaphor:  The object of comparison is used as an adjective: “yellow as a sunflower” becomes “sunflower yellow”/ “red as a watermelon” becomes “watermelon red”
          
 
 
Your description must have plenty of colors
 
 
in it. Try a compact metaphor:
 
 
The object of comparison (noun)
 
 
is used as an adjective:
 
 
yellow as a sunflower becomes 
 
 
sunflower yellow.
 
 
Red as a watermelon
becomes
 
 
watermelon red.
 
 
(But...be careful to have your color
 
 
comparison be in synch with the 
 
 
season. No watermelons in January!)
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 
Sound and Sense
Euphony
Euphony: Words Holding Hands (aka: Words In Love)
 
Euphony is a Greek word (of course) in which “eu” means “pleasant” (as in euphemism and eulogy) and “phon” means “sound”.
 
It is the subtle interplay of the sounds of words placed near each other that strikes an interesting note. Some techniques that achieve euphony are:
            Alliteration, both at the beginning and at the ends of words 
            Assonance (similar vowel sounds: “hot blood”)
            Near rhyme (“good food”)
            Rhythm
            Certain combinations, such as S and T; B and D
 
Read this line aloud:
            “How silver sweet sound lover’s tongues by night”
In this melodious line from Romeo and Juliet, euphony is achieved by the softness of the T and S sounds. You will notice that the soft S sounds intensify in the latter half of the line and that “lovers” and “tongues” have the same vowel sound, as do “by” and “night”.
 
Euphony is not only fun to say; it is also fun to find. The more you hear a line by Shakespeare, the more you will uncover secrets in it.
 
Write a few euphonious phrases:
 
You remember
onomatopoeia,
 
don’t you?
 
 
That’s when a word
sounds like its
 
meaning:
 
 
buzz, snap, crackle,pop, whisper, click, bang
 
 

  
 
Variety in Sentence Structure
Revise for Sentence Structure: Variety/ Active Voice/ Punctuation
          Good writing is varied. When you learn to use various grammatical constructs outside of the basic (subject/verb/object) pattern, your style becomes more interesting and you tend to have more imagery in your sentences.
 
          Novice writers tend to begin sentence after sentence with the subject, and so novices need to learn some tools of the trade (the language of language) in order to understand the concept of sentence variety.
 
Before: The year takes a sharp turn in September. We go from the coconut smell of tanning lotion to the chemicalsmell of new backpacks. The year is growing older, but everything seems to be new.
 
After: In September, the year takes a sharp turn. We go from the coconut smell of tanning lotion to the chemical smell of new backpacks.  Although the year is growing older, everything seems to be new. 
 
 
 
 
 
 A WORLD CLASS PARAGRAPH:
 
      Most of the big shore places were closed now and there were hardly any lights except the shadowy, moving glow of a ferryboat across the sound.  And as the moon rose higher the inessential houses began to melt away until gradually I became aware of the old island here that flowered once for Dutch sailors' eyes--a fresh, green breast of the new world. Its vanished trees, the trees that had made way for Gatsby's house, had once pandered in whispers to the last and greatest of all human dreams; for a transitory enchanted moment man must have held his breath in the presence of this continent, compelled into an aesthetic contemplation he neither understood nor desired, face to face for the last time in history with something commensurate to his capacity for wonder."
 
from The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald
 
 

 
Tools of the Trade: The Language of Language
 
Participle: A noun in adjective’s clothing, aka ing or ed word
 
Prepositional Phrase: “Somewhere over the rainbow...”(substitute “over” with any other preposition.
 
Infinitive Phrase: To + verb
 
Adverbial phrase/clause: Answers when, in what manner; can be a prepositional phrase
 
Conjunction: But, so, and, because, etc. (Note: Professional writers begin sentences with conjunctions as an effective means to communicate in a fluent, casual manner. The injunction against beginning sentences with conjunctions is far out-of-date, but many students have been taught by this old rule. Teachers may want to take notice of modern style and point out professionally written sentences which begin with conjunctions.)
 
A WORLD CLASS SENTENCE:
 "
Lashed alongside, the sharks had hithim and the old man had fought them out alone in the Gulf Stream in a skiff, clubbing them, stabbing at them, lunging at them with an oar until he was exhausted and the sharks had eaten all that they could hold”
from The Old Man and the Sea by Ernest Hemingway
“
Vary Sentence Structure
 
Revise, introducing sentences with various grammatical structures. The goal is to avoid beginning sentence after sentence with the subject.
 
Begin a sentence or two with a prepositional 
phrase.
Begin a sentence or two with an infinitive phrase
(to + verb)
Vary long and short sentences.
 
Begin with a participial phrase (ing or ed word)
 
Begin with an adverbial clause (when...)
 
Begin with a conjunction
(And don’t be afraid)
 
 
 

 
Vary Punctuation
 
 
Professional writers know that punctuation gives rhythm, voice, and emphasis to writing. Cultivate the habit of using the repertoire of punctuation marks to make your writing more refined.
 
A semicolon is used to connect two closesly related, gramatically similar independent clauses (Sometimes you feel like a nut; sometimes, you don’t) Please note that each side of the semicolon has to be able to stand alone as a complete sentence. Novice writers often forget or don’t know that the words that come after the semicolon must form a complete sentence. 
 
A colon is used to say in other words or a series follows. A colon should never follow any form of the verb to be. Use a colon to eliminate wordiness.
 
Parentheses are used to include information which is “by the way”: this information is not essential to the meaning, but it adds color. Single words, phrases, or whole sentences can be placed within parentheses. Professional writers sometimes place entire paragraphs inside parentheses. 
 
A dash is used to indicate a long pause. It is the easiest mark of punctuation to use, because all it indicates is a long pause; it is not governed by other grammatical restraints. 

 
Punctuation: Rhythm, Grace, Drama
 
Semicolon: New notebooks open with a
crack; their empty pages like virgin snow
 
 
Colon: The world is ablaze:
leaves of fierce scarlet, fiery orange, golden yellows
 
 
Dash: June promises summer freedom--
all the while threatening final exams
 
 
Parentheses: December glitters with
lights and snowflakes (and, of course,
Christmas wrapping paper)
 

 
 
 
 Personal Best Final Copy and Reflection
 
Great Beginnings: 
Begin your description with a clear image. 
 
August: a month of_____________, ________________and________________.
 
When I think of January, I think of________________in____________.
 
If April were a________________, it would be a_______________.
 
February is as_________________as a_____________________.
 
The_______________ _________________of March are like a_______________.
 
Whenever I hear_____________________I think of September.
 
October: (noun), (noun), and (noun).
 

 
Final Copy and Reflection
Fine-Tooth Combing
Mechanics Check
In composing your final draft, work with a Proofreading Partner to check the following:
 
 
Writer
Proofreading Partner
                
 
Name:             
Accurate spelling
 
:
Accurate capitalization  
        
 
Accurate use of homonyms:
•       there/their/they’re
•       your/you’re
•       to/too/two
 
 
Accurate use of apostrophe to show possession
 
 
Sentence completeness 
•       no fragments, unless intended for style
•       no run ons
 
 
Conciseness: The piece is not wordy
 
 
Clarity: Each sentence is clearly and immediately understandable
 
 

 
 
 
Reflection
 
Look back at your Baseline: Compare the writer you are to the writer you were. 
The reflection piece should be:
            Specific, referring to actual words, phrases, sentences, paragraphs.
            Inclusive of both strengths and weaknesses
            Recursive, going back over the entire writing program
            Useful, as a goalsetter for the upcoming section

The Quill & Feather is a feature of the Assembly for the Teaching of English Grammar dedicated to teachers at the middle school level.